Two syllable words maximum are best, as has been shown by market research many times. Perhaps change this to the name of a President who is a bit more innocuous and likely to have been forgotten by most readers: Carter, perhaps?Ĭan you change 'implacable'? I'm not sure our readers will know this word.

Also, many readers will take exception to the association of Lincoln with an inn. We suggest changing this to an American position of equivalence. We suggest changing this to 'fall semester'.Īnd the Lord Chancellor sitting in Lincoln’s Inn Hall.Īgain, simply too British. Similarly, our readers will be asking, 'what is Michaelmas?' And 'term' is far too British. We suggest changing this to 'Milwaukee', as market research shows that this city is representative of our target audience. We've got a problem right here, as many of our readers will simply not know who or what or where London is. To help you understand what I mean, I have notated the opening paragraph with suggestions for changes. The prose style is far too overwrought and will not be popular with readers. Perhaps the Esther narrative could be published first, and then the other narrative later, as a second book? This would allow us to maximize our investment.ģ. It should be quite easy to separate the two narratives, one of our interns could do it. I strongly recommend that you split these into two separate books. Suggestions based on titles which have proved popular recently might include 'Very Dirty and Terribly Important', or 'The Girl who Wondered Who She Was'. Popular titles for novels at the moment are rather longer and say a little bit more about the book. Also, it is not grammatically correct, as it should be 'The Bleak House'. I don't think readers will see the relevance of the title to the rest of the text.

Bleak house everyman's library